It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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