hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
