i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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