My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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