let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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