that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
