guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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