Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
