sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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