I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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