The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
