This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
