how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize