your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
