first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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