apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
