so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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