i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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