So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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