The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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