She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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