I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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