You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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