i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
