You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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