he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize