Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The ass gains better be worth it
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