please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize