im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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