I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
