I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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