I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
