It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
