6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this boner is exhausting
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
