How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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