I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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