i may or may not be watching the land before time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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