So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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