i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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