Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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