meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
