I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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