Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
