Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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