you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
