woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
