Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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