her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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