My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
