Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
