I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
