oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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