Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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