Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
