fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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