if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
