Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
