I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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