just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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