I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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