My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Someone shattered a urinal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
