i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
