I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
