Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
