it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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