I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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