imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
