evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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